Here's to a happy New Year

So tomorrow it is bye bye 2103; hello 2014.

But I have been thinking about the Chinese calendar. This time 12 years ago it was the end of 2001 (the Chinese new year loops on a 12 year cycle and the year of the Horse starts on 31st Jan 2014 - it was super late in 2002 it was Feb 12th) and I was sat in a central London flat with no heat or running water: the electricity had been cut off as the useless management company had not paid an electricity bill for 6 months. I was alone, had nasty food poisoning and was unemployed as I had quit my job to set up my own business and was pretty stressed. Looking back over that year it had not been a good one -  whilst I finally got rid of the biggest boyfriend mistake I ever made I was unhappily single, had had 3 jobs that year & hated all of them; I could not settle so I quit. Had to do something BIG to get myself out of my fug.

January 1st 2002 dawned and I left grey skies behind, boarded a jumbo & headed for some R&R in SA with very good friends. Then late Jan 2002 a huge project was commissioned to my very new business which was able to open its doors in profit (in the year of the horse may I add) and I got a grip and some perspective and basically things only got better. I am hoping that this new year of the Horse will also be a revelation. Whilst things in 2013 were nowhere near as bad as in 2001 (I have my practically perfect hubby now, he makes EVERYTHING better) we have had stresses in the extended family, illnesses, work could've been better and the Christmas floods were the dark icing on a not very good cake.

So - the Western New Year starts in around 18 hours and the new Chinese new year in 32 days. No doubt I will have another post for that auspicious day so in the meantime HAPPY NEW YEAR! May joy, peace & love come to all

I'm dreaming of a white - sorry WET - Christmas

Water water everywhere & not a drop to drink. The FauxSurrey Homestead took a bit of a battering this Christmas. If you have been following UK weather on the news you will have seen that dreadful weather was with us - a wet not a white Christmas! Images throughout are minutes from our door ....

During the day on the 23rd December, all was calm all was bright. Then as night fell so did the rain, then the wind picked up. We sat with our glasses of festive wine in the conservatory listening to the hammering rain on the roof thinking gosh it's bad, gosh we are lucky ... and I toddled upstairs around 10.30pm and had my toothbrush in my hand when FauxSurreyHubby's voice pierced my ears ... get down here quick!

So I legged it downstairs to find FSHubby up to his ankles in flood water in the utility - water was gushing under the door & straight through into one of the garages. The drain that should've taken all the water away was over burdened AND blocked with leaves. And then an FSTeen yelled that the conservatory roof had given in - there were 7 weak spots and each was channelling water into the house not out onto the garden. Oh f**k!!

The beginning of Christmas was therefore spent in wellies & rubber gloves, baling out, pumping out, making cups of tea, strategically placing containers to catch the roof drips, unblocking drains and simply being exhausted. We got to bed around 3AM  but I woke up again at 7AM as the KC needed to go out but as she leapt though her cat-flap she landed in 4 inches of standing water on the patio! Not happy ... mewing loudly she gingerly crept up the garden shaking each paw with each step & I tip toed behind her with my coffee carefully making my way up the garden too to see what was what - and realised ALL our garden fences had blown down too. BUT the house behind us had a massive tree wedged into a hole where their roof used to be. We really got off lightly.

And so Christmas eve itself was a blur of sweeping & pumping water off the patio, enlisting the help of our WONDERFUL neighbour & her cousin to hasten a decent repair of the fence (thank god for nail guns!) and attempt to think about what still needed to be done for the big day itself.

Then around 4pm Christmas eve, just as we were starting to feel cheered about finally being dry & OK we had a call from wonderful neighbour telling us her hubby had been trapped by a flood in his office 1 mile away and that he had to be rescued by boat - could we give her a lift (we have the big weather proof 4x4) to go through the tree strewn & flooded roads to pick him up from the rescue centre. His boat rescue was even on the 6 O'clock BBC news! Oy Oy. All too exciting.

Brain was frazzled however as I do not do well on 4 hours sleep & so many Teen Christmas gift items were left unwrapped and on the day the Christmas spirit was rather stretched! Still a bunch of visitors & a 3 hour game of Charades plus Dr Who on Christmas night cheered us all up. Another storm hit last night & we remained dry so fingers crossed the worst is over

Here's to 2014!!!

Strictly a Christmas Treat

Bit late but heartfelt - HUGE congratulations to Abbey Clancy & the IMPOSSIBLY handsome Aljaz Skorjanec on lifting the coveted Strictly Glitterball.

I am ashamed to say I judged the book by its cover & was with the doubters when the beautiful, gamine, pouty, ridiculously wealthy footballers wife (she's Mrs Peter Crouch) first appeared on the launch show & I fell into the "she won't be able to do anything 'cos I bet she's never had to do anything" trap - WRONG!

As Craig said, she was a revelation - a beautiful dancer who was a joy to watch; her pre dance nerves were so painfully evident at times but she conquered them. She has drive, determination, bucketloads of natural talent, is surprisingly self deprecating, and she put in the hard yards - she deserved to win. Oh and she's a Scouser to boot; Go Abbey!

Merry Christmas!!

Wishing you & yours a very merry Christmas & a happy, healthy & prosperous 2014

All by myself

 ... don't want to be ... as the song says. I am home alone at the moment and it's entirely my choice. La Famille FauxSurrey are, as I type, a 6 hour drive away in a northern hospital at my mother in laws bedside. My mother in law is 92 and on top of being 92 & suffering from diabetes has pills for her kidneys, pills for her blood pressure and new max strength full dose pills for her failing heart. If she had not gone into hospital last Tuesday afternoon her heart would've given up on her completely by Wednesday evening (so says consultant) - however she got into hospital and basically it's only pills keeping her going. She can no longer care for herself; she will need constant care when (if?) she goes home plus a stair lift & a panic alarm. She will need washing & feeding ... she's alive yes but is it a life?

Anyhow ponder piece over, despite the fact I lived alone - completely alone - for many many years, I have been with my practically perfect hubby for almost 10 years now and I have forgotten how to do a weekend by myself. I had forgotten you need to organise yourself, you need to plan to see people! You have to make things happen they don't happen around you. I am babysitting later on this evening (one of the reasons I am home alone didn't want to let my cousin down + KC still getting better + back is not great - nearly slipped a disc last weekend after innocently raking leaves and 12 hours in a car would NOT be good for my back) Anyhow, it's an odd weekend as best friend who I could normally drop in on is on a plane to Shanghai, my car has a possible slow puncture & also kills me if I drive more than 30 mins in it (harsh suspension!) so can't go see sister who is an hour away as I guarantee with the way things have been going recently the slow puncture would turn into a fast one & would go pop on the M25..!

So KC slumbering peacefully on my bed, a load of washing has gone in, FSTeens bedrooms have been fumigated (TCP + Lynx what a combo!) and I have watched Saturday Kitchen, made lunch, trizzed about with some extra Christmas decorations, had Radio 4 Extra comedy & crime drama on in the background, and decided to check out the blogosphere.


But there are few new updates as everyone's busy!! May be forced to do some ironing ...

The Waiting Game - updated

The poor KC really is poorly. We had another mini wee-ing episode on Monday ending up with me having an argument with one of the vets who is animal friendly but utterly lacking in people skills! She just talked over me & didn't listen until I had to say (I paraphrase!) 'Oi Shush and let me speak! Let me explain what's going on.

Broad conclusion is that the KC's condition is stress / environment related. And yes naturally I AM super stressed trying to deal with it all. And as I am conscious of this I am trying to relax. Am listening to my hypno CD's again. Anyhoo, we need to 100% rule out infection / bacteria and so I need a KC urine sample. Catching clouds would be easier. The KC is totally onto me.

In order to get a clean / usable sample I have had to empty her litter tray of her regular litter & put non absorbent beads in instead. Last night she peered in, sniffed & walked off disgusted.

This morning she whinged for about 30 mins when she realised the catflap was firmly shut & her litter tray placed very prominently in front of it. So she finished her breakfast & went upstairs. 3 hours later catflap is still closed as the KC is refusing to pee. Until she pees she is on lockdown. A battle of wills is unfolding. Trouble is, if I don't get a voluntary sample she will have to go to vet who will sedate her & get a sample by force via a catheter. Wish I could speak fluent cat as if I could explain this to her am sure she'd pee in an instant. I have returned a handful of her normal litter to the very back of the tray to make it smell more normal. But I have to go out this afternoon. I guarantee she will "go" the second I leave the house!

I got the necessary sample - poor baby has a NASTY urine infection (not stress thank you, major antibiotics are being administered), which could be kidney disease but we are hoping & praying it isn't - bacteria culture in 5 days will tell us for sure. PLUS the x-ray showed she has arthritis. And she has a 'mast cell tumour' on her side and a cracked tooth, both of which need surgical removal but not till the new year as she needs to recover from all this drama ... not surprised she's been grumpy! She even sat on my lap last night .. she must be feeling better!

Oh What a Night!!

Good Lord what a traumatic night. It would seem that we are on a roll of "rubbish things happening".

The poor KC got very sick last night. So sick we were at the emergency vet at 2AM this morning....

We had a completely uneventful day yesterday. All went as it should and the KC came in for the night like a good girl and had her dinner and went to sleep. As she does! We were exhausted and went to bed at 9.30PM.

However at 1AM I got jumped on. The KC was mewing & fussing & crying and I tried to ignore her but eventually got up and came downstairs and realised that she had peed outside of her tray - classic cystitis signs. I then gave her a mouthful of food complete with a dose of the anti inflammatory she had been prescribed just before we went on hols hoping that would help her.

10 mins later though she was back jumping on me meowing really loudly - then she stopped moving & her tail went up & I thought  -Uh Oh - she's peeing! Lights went on & boy was she peeing! She had peed under the window (but complete with blood here) and ALL OVER me & my side of the bed! Her way of saying "Help! I am sick". Called the emergency vet, explained situation & as they could hear her plaintiff mews they said bring her in now.

However the KC is not a good traveller and the emergency vet was 30 mins away even at 2AM. The journey there was simply hell. She started crying loudly as I got her into the car. After 10 mins she was not just crying she was hyperventilating, foaming at the mouth, shaking & peeing herself some more - freaking out basically! The emergency vet said she had never seen such a distressed kitty (who hadn't been in an accident!).

She was so bad the first thing the emergency vet did was give her an opiate injection to calm her down! Then more anti inflammatories (I had done the right thing - phew) and a painkiller and off we went home, £200 poorer, with advice to call our vet first thing. We had a repeat of hell on the journey home but the opiate finally kicked in big time & at 3AM we were back in bed (under the spare room's duvet) with the KC zonked underneath our bed. 5 hours later the alarm went & she was still there - had not moved an inch!

I then called our vet. To cut a long & painful story short the KC is officially stressed. Her cystitis is stress induced!!! She now not only has the necessary anti inflammatory & pain relief medicine she also has what can only be described as Cat Prozac! I must also get a Feliway diffuser (I had a spray - not as effective apparently) and cranberry supplements for cats...!

I gave her the first happy pill about 5 hours ago with her "lunch" and she has been zonked out upstairs ever since.

Who was it who said owning animals was calming & good for lowering blood pressure??! They have never come across the KC have they?!

Why oh Why ...

.... do we bother??!

FauxSurreyHubby had a very big birthday recently and we decided to go on holiday to celebrate - yes I know - WHY? We have obviously had our good holiday quota for this decade (ah ... Swallows Nest ...  warm lovely memories) so what on earth made us think that we could have another good one? I have contacted the cottage rental people re the problems & received nothing more than an "oh dear, sorry" mail. Nothing else. Yeah. Great.

Problem 1. I called the cottage rental company ahead of booking to ask about bed quality, explaining the very bad back situation. I was assured that the beds were "medium to firm" and that the owner himself found them v comfy & indeed, he also "had a bad back" ... ah the old " I have a bad back too" empathy comment - fool that I am I fell for it. Bad back for most people means the odd twinge - I have had SPINAL SURGERY! I slip discs as frequently as Katie Price gets married.... why did I listen? Bed was dreadful.

Problem 2. We normally carry our emergency blow up orthopaedic bed everywhere just in case. However, we had a stressful start to the trip. The KC got sick & had to go to the vet on the morning we were supposed to leave ... meaning we were all at 6's & 7's and we forgot to pack the mattress. Oh dear....

Problem 3. Me & my lovely hubby are rather tall people. 5'11" & 6'3" respectively. We could never be accused of being petite or munchkin like; nor are we Oompa Loompas. But given the height of the roof beams in the main part of the house it was evident you had to be one of the aforementioned short types in order not to crack your skull or indeed walk upright without any danger of head injury. And there was NO mention of this rather restrictive feature anywhere in the cottage description. Add walking bent double to a rubbish bed & what do you get? Slipped disc by day 4.

Problem 4. The definition of Luxury. I am going to start a petition for a legally applicable definition of luxury as it seems to be very stretchy. For me, old fashioned as I clearly am, an all pervading smell of damp, heating that doesn't work properly, broken light bulbs, a collection of spiders webs, bathrooms without basins or mirrors and patterned poly-cotton sheets on the bed does NOT = luxury. But according to the website that = 5 star gold standard luxury. God help anyone in 2 star.

Problem 5. Childhood memories are not reliable. The place we went to was very near a place where I spent far too many childhood holidays. I had memories of one of the eating places being quite posh. Yes, well, posh when you are 12 and live on a council estate in Liverpool is NOT posh when you now live in Surrey & the last restaurant you went to was a 2 Michelin starred jobby. I single handedly ruined FSHubby's half century; the restaurant was like a bad café with varnished pine tables & gingham seat cushions all beautifully lit by strip lights and had freezer to fryer type food & the worst wine list ever. We should've left but there was no food in the rental house & we were hungry & hysterical .... especially when the chocolate sponge with a candle on it got delivered to the table!

Problem 6. Well Wales basically. It is perfect when the sun shines if you want to walk, sit on a beach (amazing beaches to be fair) swim, canoe, cycle etc., but when the weather is bad there's not a lot to do. On a particularly rainy day we thought we would head for a big-ish city so went to Caernarfon - saw the castle, and to be fair found an amazing (finally!!) restaurant called Blas (go - if you are ever in Caernarfon treat yourself  http://blascaernarfon.co.uk/) then thought we would have a bit of a shop; but aside from the newly refurbished tourist type shops at the docks, the shopping in Caernarfon consisted of a furniture store, an Iceland and an Asda. Most odd.

So with a slipped disc and an ever diminishing sense of humour I drugged myself to the eyeballs and we cut our losses & drove home 2 days early. To find a happy, well again KC, 400 count pure Egyptian cotton sheets on a 1400 pocket sprung orthopaedic mattress, heating that works brilliantly, and to discover that all the washing & ironing had been done by the cat sitter. Home sweet home. (thanks to Karin Akesson  for the print)

Eat Pray Cliche

Yes yes I know I am 3 years too late. I would never pay to see a movie like this so had to wait for it to come onto Netflix which it recently has done & as I am enjoying some downtime (am "resting" between projects!) I thought why not - it was raining hard, plumbers were still running up & down the stairs, the KC was asleep, "Pointless" is getting boring and the Millionaire Matchmaker is on repeat (seen 'em all) so I got a cup of tea & some biccies and settled down and pressed play.

I thought well, I should be able to really relate to this, this used to be me, I get the whole "what does it all mean? Do I need a man for it to be OK?" I mean really, how bad can this film be?? To be fair I have not read the book so ... the film ... it incensed me so much I am driven to blog!

It falls off the bad-ometer. I once threw Bridget Jones's Diary into a swimming pool I was so incensed by the lack of reality of her apparently hilarious singledom and coterie of unbelievable male admirers; if I was a vandalistic sort I would've chucked something heavy and spiky at the TV

As it was I was in & out of the room & pressing fast forward just to see what else could happen, how many clichés they could stuff into one film. The sad face at the bookstore buying "I'm OK You're OK it will be fine one day" (or something like that) and the judgemental check out girl; the immediate shacking up with young artistic type  minutes after ending (we are led to believe) a long marriage. Then the stereotypes; the icy Scandawegian who is worried about gaining weight (although that was the one decent line in the whole movie - "He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery!"); the fat & jolly Italian & "old fashioned mother", the tortured ex alcoholic Texan & beatific guru; the ridiculously poor, downtrodden but happy Indonesians (plus the grumpy one who was quite rightly annoyed by Americans trying to find themselves in Bali), the Brazilian party girl & exhibitionist Aussie. and of course the gentle, sensitive, in touch with his feminine side (we know 'cos he cries!) Latino. What was the absurdly talented Javier Bardem thinking?? Hope it was pay check. And was it really necessary to mention every 30 seconds she was divorced?

I spent a few tough years being VERY single - mostly miserable as I really believed being alone proved I was worthless, I should be part of a couple - and the second I got over myself and my need for approval from everyone & actually stopped caring so much what 'other people' thought, I did meet the right man & yes I am now happily married. But the protagonist in Eat Pray Cliché doesn't appear to ever get over her self centred, selfish, 'pick men up & put them down' self. There is no lesson as such, no real help to anyone in her original "unhappy marriage (relationship)" situation other than be selfish & hard, flirt outrageously, be mean to people who are nice to you. Or maybe that is the lesson....?

House of Horrors part - ooh is it 200?

Why oh why oh why ... yes yes I know why. We still have the last push to get the house of horrors looking like it belongs in the 21st century and so the decision to completely gut & refit both bathrooms was taken.

Seemed like a good idea - shiny new bathrooms all round, smart walk in showers & heaps of storage - yes all good, what could go wrong? Oh the sound of hollow laughter should be ringing in everyone's ears now. Everything that could go wrong pretty much has gone wrong.

First mistake - new catsitter for the KC  was concerned about Madams delicate state & lots of workies running about - fair enough we thought, we will get the en-suite done before we go away. Spoke to plumber - yes simple room, we are not moving pipes around just replacing so no problem to do in a week. Great! Everything ordered & plumber booked. Big palette delivered 3 weeks before plumber got here from Splash Direct. Hmm says I to FauxSurreyHubby should we check it? No No was the reply leave it all safely packed, am sure all will be fine!! (yeah; right)

Plumber and his mate finally arrive. We have a schedule and all is good. Then plumber informs me - AFTER he has ripped out the existing en-suite - that his mate is off to a festival so he will be on his own for 3 days and "there's no way I will be able to do more than tiling". Oh. Really? So we have to leave a half done room & toddle off leaving new catsitter in peace & quiet BUT with one really rubbish bathroom.

We return from fabulous holiday. And FauxSurreyTeens immediately move in with us for 4 days as marital drama unfolding with their mother & her (pretty new) hubby. Ah. 4 adults - 2 of whom are teens - trying to share one rubbish bathroom & all trying to get out by 8AM. You can just picture the scene!

En-suite should be finished in 24 hours say plumbers, don't worry. Then the catalogue of disasters is opened.... first one of the toilets that was delivered months ago is unpacked to reveal hairline crack in the cistern. Splash Direct to their huge credit VERY kindly offer me a replacement even though I am now way outside their 60 day returns window; phew. Then it transpires that the wrong colour floor grout has been brought so the en-suite will NOT be ready for another day & we can only use it if we are super careful ... but we are told this AFTER the other useable bathroom is rendered un-useable!

Then the plumbers realise the towel rail is the wrong size; then they realise that the shower enclosure is missing; then they realise the lights are missing from the vanity unit packs & so we get on the phone to try & rectify. Then it gets super bad, as they start to work out what new things will go where in the kids bathroom. Lots of head scratching & peering starts - always a worry. They then both come downstairs & stand in the conservatory & stare at the wall.


VERY long story (and tears from yours truly) short - idiots who used to own this house had utterly botched plumbing meaning to get a shower waste in where the water would not have to go UP (yes UP) would mean ~£2,000 worth of building work including knocking through walls in my recently decorated conservatory. NO!! I then walk into en-suite to calm down / ponder and as I step through the door there is an almighty crack. One of the newly laid v expensive Laura Ashley tiles has cracked in 2 under my (clearly elephantine) weight. For Gods Sake!


Hasty call to FSHubby - and we make a lightening exec decision - return all now useless / unwanted stuff. Start again. Order larger bath & smart frameless sliding bath screen; keep flash shower fitting and have that PLUS bath filler on bath so a decent shower can be taken; order super big chrome towel rail & add in a lovely tall storage unit for teens gubbins and order extra pack of floor tiles. And hopefully all will beautiful; SOON.

A Minor Miracle

It had to happen one day ... I couldn't spend my life having rubbish holidays ... could I?? NO NO NO - this time we had a really lovely fabulous relaxing "did what it says on the holiday tin" holiday!

Couple of things - only one FauxTeen came with us & only for the first week so that helped ... and I called ahead this time to check things like mattresses & exactly what it was I was renting and I cannot criticise ONE thing; not one thing was bad about Swallows Nest ... oh OK the water pressure could've been better in the shower but that is scraping the barrel for a gripe!! click here to see the wondrous-ness - it is exactly as shown in the brochure - remote, tasteful, comfortable, beautiful ... http://www.cottages4you.co.uk/cottages/swallowrsquos-nest-waterside-26490. Will get onto Trip Advisor too; the world must know!!

We made friends with the local ducks & rabbits & sheep & cows; all available for AM chats over coffee; we drove out to outstanding country pubs & Lakeland towns & Michelin starred restaurants - Nigel Howarth at Northcote Manor deserves a mention for one of the best meals EVER eaten by myself & FauxSurreyHubby; we walked & cycled & talked & even had a fabulous spa day at the Garage Spa in Greta Bridge although I think it all got a bit much for FauxSurreyHubby; all the hot water / steam / salt / mud / massages / facials & scrubs gave him a huge headache by 5pm!

And we are now 100% sure this area is where we will run away to when the pennies we are saving up add up to the right amount & we are able to politely tell work "no more" and head for the hills. 2-5 years and counting!!

All Good Things ...

... sadly must come to an end! I have been blissing out in FauxSurreyHeaven for the past 2 weeks. I have been hanging out in the garden come rain or shine (even doing a heap of gardening!) I have been working with all doors & windows wide open (successfully ploughing through ridiculous amounts of work) and I have been revelling in, truly enjoying utter silence even on beautiful warm sunny days.

Why? Both sets of immediate neighbours have been away on their annual summer holidays BUT both come back this weekend.  To be honest one side I barely know if they are there unless they do something unusual like the odd birthday or drinks party in the garden, whereas the other side I am never ever in any doubt if they are home as they are the pool people. The go to location for all their friends with small loud children when the sun peeks out and the temperature rises. To be fair to all I know I am a freak when it comes to noise - I hear everything - and none of my neighbours are in any real sense nuisance neighbours; in fact they are all lovely! I simply crave complete silence which is impossible & impractical in a family filled suburb.

I haven't looked at the weather once other than to check if I need to go water said neighbours plants but now I am staring at the met site smiling inwardly at an 80% chance of heavy rain tomorrow. The weekend weather looks good however. Cool-ish for August but good.  Oh dear.... Oh dear.


Normal service will no doubt be resumed very soon. Hey it was unbelievably good whilst it lasted and has made me even more determined that when we do the retire move it will be to somewhere with NO near neighbours! In fact FSHubby & I are heading off to "the silence" v soon. This years holiday property (don't laugh!) is in the proper middle of nowhere; the holiday company says a 4 x 4 is essential. Well lucky that we have one!

Busy Busy ...

I am very busy with paid work at the moment … So busy in fact that yesterday in the silence of the much needed pouring rain

I did 3 loads of washing

I ironed 6 of FSHubby's work shirts + 2 pairs of pants & 3 blouses

I bought new flowers & spent ages arranging them

I cleaned a mirror

I face-timed my sister & called my mother

I searched online & found a pearl anniversary present for my folks' 30th wedding anniversary

I raised the first half invoice for all this "hard work" & printed & signed & scanned & sent it

I did an online supermarket shop

I called my energy supplier to challenge my direct debit (will be paying £60 a month LESS from September – result!)

I wiped down the kitchen surfaces & emptied the bins (even tho’ my lovely cleaners are now here)

I finally called the wasp nest man (£35 and got 2 nests destroyed. Should’ve called him last week)

I played an online scratchcard & won £30 (yey!) then bought a euro millions ticket with my winnings & won £9.60 then lost £3. Boo

I read the Daily Mail online ... oh dear oh dear

I updated the “running away” spreadsheet

I went on LinkedIn

And today I am writing this blogpost!!

 

But bizarrely as the lovely cleaners are now here hoovering & chatting away in Portuguese (they are Brazilian) and are polishing & doing, with all that background kerfuffle I have managed to actually do quite a bit of actual work this morning. Go figure!

Enough Already!

OK OK. Summer. I get it. Hot weather. Well done. Good for you, however you are now simply showing off & have stayed far too long this year. Hoo-Blooming-Rah for wall to wall sunshine & impossibly sunny days. We are now into the third week of the temperature in the FauxSurrey garden registering OVER 30 degrees Celsius. But in the FauxSurreyConservatory it has been almost 45 degrees which is utterly ridiculous.

It's not funny any more. The joke is now over; it was the hottest day on record or something stupid today. The trains are disgusting, the roads are melting, the flowers are wilting, the KC is being super naughty and staying out late in the relative cool of the night time - up to 4 hours past her normal bedtime! - and any shred of tolerance of others I may have possessed has been utterly destroyed.

What is it about this weather that makes people think they can be outside & make ridiculous, unnecessary amounts of noise? We all have our doors & windows open you know!! And some of us (clearly foolishly) are trying hard to work from home. On top of the omnipresent 'Chessington-World-of-shouting-&-water-adventures-theme-park' we now have other neighbours' teenagers cranking up the stereo - maybe they are trying to get rid of some moles ... the ear splitting thud thud thudding of crap bass would suggest as much.



 

What do we want? Torrential rain & a serious drop in temperature & possibly a power cut

When do we want it? NOW!!! PLEASE ......

3D Delight

Here at the FauxSurrey homestead we have a number of questionably useful gadgets (like most households; such as a deep fat fryer, a veg steamer, a mushroom brush, a hand held vacuum etc) but one of the 'gadgets' I rolled my eyes at when it was purchased came into its own this weekend.

FauxSurreyHubby decided when we bought our new TV not so long ago that not only did we need HD, 3D would also be good. 3D? Why? There have been  a whopping total of TWO 3D broadcasts since we bought it (The Queen's Christmas Speech & Mr Stink I think) but this weekend the BBC in their wisdom decided to show the Wimbledon finals in glorious 3D. WOW!!

FSHubby & the teens & I ducked as the ball came lobbing towards us; we flinched as a racquet looked like it would take our eye out; we gasped at the hawk eye wrong calls; we marvelled at the amazing clarity & depth of focus & we screeched & whooped & yelled when a 3D Andy Murray finally held the trophy aloft after beating Djokovic in 3 straight (but not easy!) sets, the first Brit to win Wimbledon in 77 years! HURRAH! A real 3D delight.

Hyp-NO-therapy

Ref the last post & my attempt to deal with my overreaction to the normal everyday noise that surrounds us.

I have my 2^nd hypnotherapy session tomorrow & I have been a very bad patient (? Client? what am I?) I have not had a chance to find an hour in the day to do nothing at all & listen to my deep relaxation guided meditation CD. I have had calls to make, tradesmen at the door, FSHubby was here one day (all day ...!), trips to make - just not had time!

So, I thought I had better do it now. OK here we go. Found CD & instructions & all looked good. The KC was outside snoozing & the world was vaguely peaceful.

I went upstairs as I wanted to lie down to do said deep relaxation but first had to find a CD player that worked. After much faffing the one in FS-Stepsons room was excellent. Window open, gentle breeze. Perfect. So I lay down & put the CD on ... but within 5 minutes  …. SCREAM .. YELL .. BANG ... kids playing noisily in next doors back garden - exactly the thing I am trying to deal with!! Blood pressure is now rising...! Close window but to no avail - I am now conscious of it so can hear it through closed double glazed windows. Yup THAT loud.

So shift to FS-Stepdaughters room at the front of the house. However CD player old & temperamental in her room & it takes me 5 goes to get the CD working. As I lay down again I realised I needed the loo .. so off I went but kept CD going  as I didn’t want to risk it not starting again .. missed some initial relax-y bits but hey.

Back in front bedroom, close windows & curtains & door & lie down – listen to the soothing voice telling me to feel the soles of my feet relax, to imagine the relaxation as a colour gently rising through my legs  … I start deep breathing .... when suddenly there is an almighty  CRUNCH of gravel from outside & car doors slam & there are more screeching kids & shouting people!! FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

That all eventually calms down & some semblance of silence is achieved & I start to get into it. After about 15 minutes I am now at shallow breathing & feeling pretty relaxed when suddenly the door opens & the KC jumps on me!!  Unsurprisingly I jump too .. then she cuddles & snuggles up & starts purring .. OK all's good I can do this with her on the bed with me …then she starts to fidget & clean herself using my left leg as a balance. Fine. I can cope with that too.

 

THEN she starts to do that fur-ball noise thing & THEN she jumps off the bed & vomits … CD goes off, the rubber gloves go on, the carpet gets cleaned & the KC gets cuddled. I saw her drink from our water feature earlier & now I am worried that the special stuff I put in it recently to keep it clear is not good for her (it says on  the bottle it’s fine for animals but the KC is somewhat sensitive).  She’s now back on the bed sleeping. Poor baby!!

I give in. Am going to go watch Wimbledon for half an hour now and maybe try again later L
  
Relaxed? Moi? I wonder if I actually can relax!

 

Run Away!

FSHubby has the bit between his teeth and a spring in his step. And I must confess, as I begin hypnotherapy to help me deal with the (for me) unbearable noise that summer in the FauxCountry brings (screaming kids (and sometimes adults!); the unending footballs thudding against the fence; the ear splitting shrieks of pool parties; the boing boing of the trampoline; the smoke & stink of BBQ's) I am also rather pleased and can see a light at the end of my "I hate summer" tunnel.

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea we live in a lovely, for 99.9% of people very peaceful, semi rural location. However for me it is not peaceful. If I see the weather forecast is for sunshine I gird my loins & stress. Sunshine means NOISE. I LOVE silence. Silence is golden. Peace is perfect. Sunshine = windows open, people in their gardens, 100's of small people with no volume control haring about outside and I know it's MY problem. Heavens I've moved house so many times because of (for me) unbearable noise it's not true. So time to do something about it hence hypnotherapy!

Anyway why are we so jolly? Well we couldn't agree on the next phase of "bring this house kicking & screaming into the 21st century". So we thought we'd give the decision to an impartial yet expert witness - a local estate agent. Not wishing to sell just wondering if the investment we were planning would give us the return. Now we have already agreed that the bathrooms need doing (am going to the bathroom showroom this very day) but there was a big (and expensive) renovation we wanted a view on.

So along popped the nice man and took a look. And astounded us. We had a "this house is probably worth £xxx" number in our heads; a number we really hoped we could achieve which would allow us to swap to a decent mortgage free northern property in 5 years or so. The nice estate agent man without prompting gave us a number 30% (yes THIRTY) higher then we had imagined in our wildest dreams. Without doing ANY work!! And this in his expert view was a realistic number right NOW... meaning we could run away tomorrow and buy not simply a decent but a FABULOUS northern house mortgage free!! And not work & still live well. The garden shown here is something we could now have - in a beautiful village on the Lancs / Yorks borders, with no near neighbours & just fields as the view...

FSHubby has now been amusing himself looking at big houses with big gardens and in lovely locations - all firmly now IN budget. Blimey.

BUT despite the fact we can (which is such a lovely feeling) we aren't going anywhere for a while. The FSTeens are still at school and still need us close by. But come 2018 - at the latest - we are turning right at that sign ...