FauxSurreyHubby had a very big birthday recently and we decided to go on holiday to celebrate - yes I know - WHY? We have obviously had our good holiday quota for this decade (ah ... Swallows Nest ... warm lovely memories) so what on earth made us think that we could have another good one? I have contacted the cottage rental people re the problems & received nothing more than an "oh dear, sorry" mail. Nothing else. Yeah. Great.
Problem 1. I called the cottage rental company ahead of booking to ask about bed quality, explaining the very bad back situation. I was assured that the beds were "medium to firm" and that the owner himself found them v comfy & indeed, he also "had a bad back" ... ah the old " I have a bad back too" empathy comment - fool that I am I fell for it. Bad back for most people means the odd twinge - I have had SPINAL SURGERY! I slip discs as frequently as Katie Price gets married.... why did I listen? Bed was dreadful. Problem 2. We normally carry our emergency blow up orthopaedic bed everywhere just in case. However, we had a stressful start to the trip. The KC got sick & had to go to the vet on the morning we were supposed to leave ... meaning we were all at 6's & 7's and we forgot to pack the mattress. Oh dear....
Problem 3. Me & my lovely hubby are rather tall people. 5'11" & 6'3" respectively. We could never be accused of being petite or munchkin like; nor are we Oompa Loompas. But given the height of the roof beams in the main part of the house it was evident you had to be one of the aforementioned short types in order not to crack your skull or indeed walk upright without any danger of head injury. And there was NO mention of this rather restrictive feature anywhere in the cottage description. Add walking bent double to a rubbish bed & what do you get? Slipped disc by day 4. 
Problem 4. The definition of Luxury. I am going to start a petition for a legally applicable definition of luxury as it seems to be very stretchy. For me, old fashioned as I clearly am, an all pervading smell of damp, heating that doesn't work properly, broken light bulbs, a collection of spiders webs, bathrooms without basins or mirrors and patterned poly-cotton sheets on the bed does NOT = luxury. But according to the website that = 5 star gold standard luxury. God help anyone in 2 star. 
Problem 5. Childhood memories are not reliable. The place we went to was very near a place where I spent far too many childhood holidays. I had memories of one of the eating places being quite posh. Yes, well, posh when you are 12 and live on a council estate in Liverpool is NOT posh when you now live in Surrey & the last restaurant you went to was a 2 Michelin starred jobby. I single handedly ruined FSHubby's half century; the restaurant was like a bad café with varnished pine tables & gingham seat cushions all beautifully lit by strip lights and had freezer to fryer type food & the worst wine list ever. We should've left but there was no food in the rental house & we were hungry & hysterical .... especially when the chocolate sponge with a candle on it got delivered to the table!Problem 6. Well Wales basically. It is perfect when the sun shines if you want to walk, sit on a beach (amazing beaches to be fair) swim, canoe, cycle etc., but when the weather is bad there's not a lot to do. On a particularly rainy day we thought we would head for a big-ish city so went to Caernarfon - saw the castle, and to be fair found an amazing (finally!!) restaurant called Blas (go - if you are ever in Caernarfon treat yourself http://blascaernarfon.co.uk/) then thought we would have a bit of a shop; but aside from the newly refurbished tourist type shops at the docks, the shopping in Caernarfon consisted of a furniture store, an Iceland and an Asda. Most odd.
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