Monday, August 29, 2011

A microdiscectomy isn't just for Valentines Day ...

... it's for life. Removing the best part of my L5 disc some 7 years ago on a very romantic Saturday has left me with a shockingly bad back that frequently "goes" a little but occassionally goes completely in that I "slip a disc." I love that phrase, slip a disc it sounds almost quite nice - like slipping a fiver into the doormans hand; but no, it would seem slipping a disc (which actually means that a whole spinal disc 'slips' out of its correct place between your vertebrae to stick out & sit on nerves causing abject agony) is also the perfect end to a  rubbish holiday.

For not only did I not come back jolly & relaxed, I came back with a cold - a very nasty hard core full on cold which caused me to cough so violently my broken  back couldn't hold my discs in & one (maybe 2?) popped out. So since arriving home from useless hols I have been pretty much bed bound, and every time I coughed or sneezed I experienced mind numbing excrutiaiting pain. Practically perfect Hubby has been brilliant until he caught the cold - which was inevitable - and as he has asthma he is suffering 10x more than I did - and lord know I suffered. We bascially sound like a TB house. Not nice. We are ringing bells (unclean! unclean!) and have a plague sign on the door. Keep away. Well till the germs shrival up & die that is. The KC bless her doesn't know who to cuddle up to next. She has been amazing, staying in bed for hours with us & not waking me to go out till past 8AM - normal out time is 6AM. They do know you know.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Take a break ...??

OK OK I did it again; after vowing I would never ever do it again, I stupidly did it again. I went on a family holiday in the UK. I got lulled into it – the promise of 2 weekend parties, multiple locations – I thought oh come on, at least one of them had to be good – no??? Well…. If you don’t count the emergency hugely expensive “get me out of here now or I am going home immediately” sheer bloody luxury, god we were lucky farmhouse (booked over the initial godawful house I had found. So yes we paid twice …) then NO! I have an uncanny knack of choosing absolutely awful places. Leaving behind my perfect mattress, my newly refurbished, redecorated & and stunningly beautiful house we prayed hard as we headed north. But clearly to the wrong god. .

The first house of horrors – where to begin?? The website gave it 4 stars. Would HATE to see 3 star or fewer properties ... Tiny; dark; pokey; uncomfortable; rabbit hutch; 12” portable TV (seriously) no DVD but VHS player (yup – seriously); treacherous ladder -like stairs, limited head room (ouch); said sleeps 6 but only had one loo (which was in the bathroom & we were travelling with 15 year old girl - just work that out!); no dishwasher; off the main road but high up enough to get perfect acoustics of articulated lorries; no allocated parking on cobbled double yellow line street; (we have a 4x4), if you opened the bedroom door you hit the bed; rooms so small you couldn’t get you & your suitcase in at the same time; to sit at the table you had to move the sofa & 2 chairs (I use the word sofa loosely - had thin woooden arms & tapestry upholstery); the ironing board was the shirt attachment for a real one & went on the table (which you had to move….). I’ll stop there before you die laughing!!

So after 2 vile nights in the horror house hubby & I headed to library to get WiFi and embarked on a search of the interweb; 3 begging phone calls later we handed over a vast amount of money – seriously vast we could’ve gone to the south of France – we finally secured heaven. A huge 6 bed, 4 bath beautifully designed & kitted out farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Granite worktops & handmade lightshades. Underfloor heating beneath stunning tiles. 3 huge living rooms with views of the stream passing by & the cows & the bats. Interesting local residents too; 3 ‘wild’ chickens a cockerel & 2 ducks. The 2 ducks were hatched – accidentally - by a chicken & the funniest sight in the world was a tiny white chicken being followed by 2 huge honking ducks!

But we only had 5 nights in blissville. Then onto more dodgy lodgings. But much worse than poor real estate were 2 permanently sulky teenagers who didn’t want to get out of bed till 2pm, didn’t lift a finger, didn’t want to eat when we wanted to eat, were surgically attached to a BlackBerry or PS3 and who complained, bitterly, constantly that they weren’t abroad, or they were bored. Seriously – next year if I even put the words family & holiday in the same sentenced have me sectioned. Immediately.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Riotous?

I have to say something about what’s been happening on the streets of our cities – certainly about what’s been happening in London. I am aghast. I am angry of Tunbridge Wells, I am a Daily Mail reader, I am leaning to the right of Attila the Hun. All of my PC sensibilities (the few that I had!) have been stripped back by my complete disbelief & disgust at the actions of a few “feral rats” (great phrase coined by livid shopkeeper in Ealing) who have taken it upon themselves, as they are bored, stupid, arrogant & genetically greedy, to use the death of a man to go smashing windows, causing terror & looting. It’s as simple as that.


As I said in an earlier post – how did this country breed such amoral, ignorant, selfish f*ckw*ts? Who are their parents? How do you get parenting so completely & utterly wrong? If you look at the images of the people already posted up on the internet as “persons of great interest” you see a despressing raft of images of the the great disaffected, the hooded “who gives a sh*t?” the “you can’t touch me,” the “that contravenes my human rights,” the “you don’t respect me,” the “ I breathe therefore I deserve (demand)” generation. Respect? I doubt any of them can even spell it. As for human rights – well you have to behave like a human to get those.

Cameron said that there would be serious consequences, that people would be arrested & feel the full force of the law. Oh really. A night in the cells? 6 weeks in jail? Ooh I can feel from here they are quaking in their boots. A criminal record? Pah, who cares? It’s not like it will affect their future employment. An ASBO – great! A badge of honour!

We need – as a society & certainly those in “authority” - to grow a pair. These are creatures (I will not dignify them by describing them as humans or people as they are neither) need to be shown we will NOT stand for this sort of behaviour. Ever. From anyone, no matter what the reason / excuse / whinge may be. Being PC and “talking” and trying to “understand them” and trying to “see where we can help” will get us nowhere. They will take the p*ss as they are curently taking mobile phones.

The punishment should fit the crime. There is currently an online petition calling for anyone convicted of rioting to lose all benefits, should they be claiming them. Well that’s a start. I am all for getting out the water cannon & the rubber bullets. Isn’t that harsh? I hear the liberals out there cry. NO – if you are not out rioting you will not be hit by either a water cannon or a bullet. Simple. Someone on the radio has just suggested soaking the f*ckers with vivid blue indelible dye - brilliant! When 1000 hooded w*nkers are rampaging wiith bricks & iron bars what are your options – seriously?

As for punishment for those actually arrested – would a prison term work? (3 meals a day, Sky TV & PlayStation 24/7?)  I doubt it. Would visible community service work? Again, I doubt it. The humiliation element may work on some but for the rest who clearly have NO sense of community anyway, it would mean nothing. No, I’m advocating something far more medieval. The stocks. Right where the scene of their crimes was, where the local shopkeepers & residents whose lives have been torn apart by these mindless acts of violence can let these little a*seholes know exactly how they feel, exactly how their vile actions have impacted their – yes THEIR - community.
 
Why should they get to hide – enjoying anonymity - in the shadows? Policed naturally so soft, rotten fruit only is thrown, or indeed nothing more than feelings & words. They would have to listen, there would be no walking away, no “talk to the hand” no “I don’t have to listen to you”. Oh yes you do. I am not suggesting an eye for an eye, I don’t - ever - want to stoop to their utterly degraded level, but maybe a few nights of hearing what's what, they will begin to understand the real life impact of their mindless actions. And that there are consequences. Long reaching consequences.

And by the way, I am not some sort of middle class privileged privately educated type, I was born on a council estate in a deprived part of the North of England but I made certain choices and grabbed opportunities. I had only one parent from the age of 8, had free school lunches as we couldn't affford to pay, and I went to a comprehensive school - where by the way I chose to work hard & got to university. We didn't have a car, I didn't have the "must have" things of the day - designer jeans, a flash stereo or a video recorder - but did I go out smashing windows to get them? No. And neither did my neighbours, we were all brought up properly.


Friday, August 5, 2011

Noise annoys...?

Have calmed down after my previous rant & am editing. Whilst I am still not overjoyed by the sounds of the suburbs piercing my clearly far too delicate ears, I think I am being over sensitive and a tad intolerant (Oh OK, that's an understatement). Vile is far too strong a word for the neighbours offpsring, I was simply having an off day. And no no words have been spoken just got a grip. Had a big stressful work meeting & was surrounded by loud & dusty workies who have actually drunk all of my tea today. And used most of my sugar ... But given what's going on in our cities right now, (God knows what's going on. How did we breed such vile, amoral, ignorant, self centered arrogant, violent little sh*ts?) give me over excited 6 year olds any day.

We have finally finished our renovations (welcome to my gracious & spacious abode!) and tomorrow I can hoover up all the dust (dust? surely not!), although I am still praying pray for rain, mainly so I can breathe without coughing ... and I am getting excited about cleaning windows!
I am still doing the lottery as I do still fancy the idea of a totally silent garden. A place where the hubby & the KC & I can hear ourselves think, no matter what time of day, no matter what season, no matter what the weather. And a view of the sea would be nice too ...

Monday, August 1, 2011

Phew - what a scorcher!

As Surrey bakes in its ‘don’t blink you’ll miss it’ 3 day heat wave Chez FauxSurrey is doing its best to resemble a full on sauna. On the hottest day of the year so far, in the room with a glass roof (yes the totally useless conservatory - when I can afford it, it is going!!) the decorators were using a steamer to peel years of wallpaper off the walls … you can only imagine the blistering heat. Even with the solar blinds pulled down and all doors & windows open & a fan on permanently, the temperature got up to about 95 degrees Fahrenheit & the boys were dripping with sweat & having to stop every 20 minutes or so before they passed out!

Luckily for me as the mercury boiled over, I got a call from my lovely friend & neighbour with the deep cool swimming pool. Asking very kindly if I fancied a swim…. Can a thought last less than a nano second?!

However, post my splashabout, as the evening draws in & the heat of the sun cools a little, the heat has not left the glass room. The poor plasterer is still here, wandering about stripped to the waist (yes a bajillion tattoos) on these amazing bionic looking stilts (never seen anything like it, they are like something from the future!) trying to plaster the ceiling –and as it’s so hot in there it’s drying almost as soon as he puts it on. Which is presenting quite a challenge & if I’m honest quite a bit amusement for me & the KC – we’ve never seen speed plastering before!

F**k off 2016

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