Take a break ...??

OK OK I did it again; after vowing I would never ever do it again, I stupidly did it again. I went on a family holiday in the UK. I got lulled into it – the promise of 2 weekend parties, multiple locations – I thought oh come on, at least one of them had to be good – no??? Well…. If you don’t count the emergency hugely expensive “get me out of here now or I am going home immediately” sheer bloody luxury, god we were lucky farmhouse (booked over the initial godawful house I had found. So yes we paid twice …) then NO! I have an uncanny knack of choosing absolutely awful places. Leaving behind my perfect mattress, my newly refurbished, redecorated & and stunningly beautiful house we prayed hard as we headed north. But clearly to the wrong god. .

The first house of horrors – where to begin?? The website gave it 4 stars. Would HATE to see 3 star or fewer properties ... Tiny; dark; pokey; uncomfortable; rabbit hutch; 12” portable TV (seriously) no DVD but VHS player (yup – seriously); treacherous ladder -like stairs, limited head room (ouch); said sleeps 6 but only had one loo (which was in the bathroom & we were travelling with 15 year old girl - just work that out!); no dishwasher; off the main road but high up enough to get perfect acoustics of articulated lorries; no allocated parking on cobbled double yellow line street; (we have a 4x4), if you opened the bedroom door you hit the bed; rooms so small you couldn’t get you & your suitcase in at the same time; to sit at the table you had to move the sofa & 2 chairs (I use the word sofa loosely - had thin woooden arms & tapestry upholstery); the ironing board was the shirt attachment for a real one & went on the table (which you had to move….). I’ll stop there before you die laughing!!

So after 2 vile nights in the horror house hubby & I headed to library to get WiFi and embarked on a search of the interweb; 3 begging phone calls later we handed over a vast amount of money – seriously vast we could’ve gone to the south of France – we finally secured heaven. A huge 6 bed, 4 bath beautifully designed & kitted out farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Granite worktops & handmade lightshades. Underfloor heating beneath stunning tiles. 3 huge living rooms with views of the stream passing by & the cows & the bats. Interesting local residents too; 3 ‘wild’ chickens a cockerel & 2 ducks. The 2 ducks were hatched – accidentally - by a chicken & the funniest sight in the world was a tiny white chicken being followed by 2 huge honking ducks!

But we only had 5 nights in blissville. Then onto more dodgy lodgings. But much worse than poor real estate were 2 permanently sulky teenagers who didn’t want to get out of bed till 2pm, didn’t lift a finger, didn’t want to eat when we wanted to eat, were surgically attached to a BlackBerry or PS3 and who complained, bitterly, constantly that they weren’t abroad, or they were bored. Seriously – next year if I even put the words family & holiday in the same sentenced have me sectioned. Immediately.