Pop stars, Pouts & Panticles

Well. The Closing Ceremony. It had a lot to live up to, granted, as the opener was such a triumph. I am really really trying not to be too negative .. but Oh Dear Me. It was entertaining yes but for all the wrong reasons I thought! I had far too many "oh no put it away!" moments and lots of "why are they there?" ones too.

Let's get the hardest criticism out of the way first - it's hard as I am about to criticise the wonderful amazing talented, fabulous all round demi god of pop George Michael. I am well known for being just a little bit in love with GM but all I could think last night was "George no - what are you wearing? What ARE you doing man? You're 50 next year please please stop that now!! Do NOT turn into a Male Madonna.... " Freedom was never my favourite GM song anyway & 16 yr stepdaughter was SMS'ing me asking why not a bit of Club Tropicana? Why can't he Wake me Up before you Go Go? She was also asking if he knew it was nighttime as he had his sunnies on!! He certainly had them on when he got dressed. What was he wearing? Oh dear. Then the shameless promotion of White Light. Yes love you were very sick & had a brush with death & made a miraculous recovery but is a throbbing baseline sub disco number that choruses "I'm alive!!" really the right way to celebrate? Go ponder George that's all I ask. You have a nice house, a new boyfriend, a lovely dog & lots of money. Enjoy what you have honey.

Then came Russell Brand. He was The Walrus apparently. I have never really known what to make of RB and I still don't. He was very thin, very rock & roll, very Willy Wonka and wore amazing trousers. Panticles the step daughter called them and I thought that description was perfect. I am now going to lobby for the Oxford Dictionary to add the word Panticles to define tight shiny pants for men!

Then the supermodel thing. Uh??? Seriously UHH?? Apart from Lily Cole & David Gandy, we had sad tired old clothes horses on parade. An over the hill coke user and a woman with well document (court appearances) violent anger issues. And if Twitter was anything to go by I was not alone with those feelings - @piersmorgan: I suspect Kate Moss might fail her drugs test later; @SinbadBrookie: Ah yes, Kate Moss, coke sniffing smackheads at the #closingceremony, they sure know how to inspire a generation. Great role models here... Yup representing all that is best of Britain? Really? What was the point of that? Actually I would love to know what the point of Kate Moss has ever been. Have never ever undertstood her appeal. Ever. And please don't get me started on the vain, self important, self -aggrandizing Annie bleeding Lennox. Save me.

Then I girded my loins poured another large glass of pink and peered through my fingers as bejewelled taxis spewed forth The Spice Girls. And you know what - they were brilliant!! I was expecting a bit of a shambles, but they were giving it loads. I thought our Vic would be wooden & wearing one of her own frocks but no, there she was actually moving & lip synching in time & being animated!! Wearing a stunning Giles Deacon frock. And just singing a silly silly song. Spice Up Your Life - they did indeed!